YOUR BODY'S GUIDE TO
MAKING LOVE
It's not just semantics.
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There is a huge difference between making love and having sex.
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Sex is a transaction, each party getting something out of it, whether it is an orgasm, a cuddle, some approximation of attention, whatever.
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Making love is a lived way, where every movement leading up to the 'event' has as much an impact on the moment as the so-called 'mechanics' of it.
Now, I did promise there would be no instruction manuals or awkward how-to guides, and that remains true, for the most useful guide (to all of life) is your body.
No matter what the event or circumstance, your body gives constant feedback as to what is cool by it and not just by what you think is cool.
How many situations have you been in where you think you are participating in something you want, only to feel nervous or unsettled in the lead up, shy, awkward, embarrassed, or uncomfortable during, and let down, disappointed, hurt, angry, sad afterward (amongst the many other things you can experience)?
Your body is your instruction manual - it communicates with us all the time.
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Our job is to heed its messages, and to act on them.
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Sometimes we won't like the instructions, but following them not only keeps us safe, it actually can help us avoid harm.
Your primary relationship is actually with you.
How you feel about yourself is going to have a huge impact on how you relate to the world around you, and also how you perceive it relating back to you.
For instance, if I hate my body, or an aspect of it, I’m going to try to hide it or emphasise other parts to avoid having others trigger that distaste.
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If I’m not deeply nurturing, nourishing and caring of myself, there might be an expectation that others can or will do it for you. In fact, we sometimes demand this!
But how can you provide for another what they are not providing for themselves?
You can’t demand the world around you provide you what you aren’t providing for yourself.
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Or you can, but you can't have any governance over how well that occurs or what is returned in respond to your seeking outside of yourself.
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​That’s the set up.
No-one knows how best to love you – only you know the exact details.
And guess what?
Your body is leading the charge where it comes to that communication.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about masturbation. I’m talking about really basic things like:
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I’m cold = go get a jumper or dressing gown, slip your feet and legs under the doona or into some long pants, and/or put some shoes or socks on.
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I’m thirsty = go have that glass of cold water.
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I’m tired = it's time to rest. Wrap up what you are doing and begin to prepare for bed.
It sounds simple, because it is!
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Listening to the body is not rocket science, but where it gets tricky or complicated is when the messages aren’t congruent with what we are thinking.
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I want (…)
I need (…)
We can be fed endless insertions where the … are.
In fact, we can even substitute what others want or need, often with an excuse or a justification as to why we can’t honour what we are feeling.
On the other hand (pun intended), your body provides you with a wealth of detail about what to do in every moment.
The key is connecting to that communication because it doesn’t yell or scream. It is the quiet, gentle voice within, and too much busy-ness or distraction in and through life can actually drown it out.
You can never turn it off; it forever remains waiting for you to respond, and it will never tell you off for not being there!
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But you can save yourself much heartache simply by hearing and acting on whatever it tells you.
In fact, the more you listen to your body and honour yourself according to what it instructs, the more likely you are to experience the magic of making love, because you've built that loving quality in all you do in the lead up to getting into bed.
And if the other has also similarly honoured themselves in the lead up to the moment, the feeling is quite simply out of this world.
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It's nothing like sex (when it's over, it's over)!
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Instead:
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You are literally making love in every moment.
Who wouldn't want that?
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Everyone can have this, but it does take honesty in listening & taking responsibility to act according to what your body is telling you.
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Are you up for that challenge?
