HEALING SELF-LOATHING
Have you ever stopped to consider how amazing your body is?
Your body really is amazing.
It is the vessel that carries YOU around all day!
What you ask it to do, it does, but most of the time, you can’t even recall asking it to do what it does!
Have you ever told your body that you want to walk, and how to do it?! What about sneezing or coughing?
Your body tells YOU it needs to!
Do you care for your body in ways that recognise and honour its amazing preciousness?
Or do you hate your body and speak disrespectfully of it and/or treat it carelessly?
These moments can compound and engender a deep sense of self-loathing. But, you weren't born that way, and you CAN heal from the scars life inflicts on you, whatever they may be.
How we move and how we speak communicate volumes.
Likewise, our appearance – what we ‘put out there’ communicates a lot.
Are we representing ourselves as who we are, or do we try to be something we are not?
In today’s world, the more skin on show – the more cleavage, butt, thighs, midriff – the more attractive the woman, and apparently the greater value.
But who has placed this value upon the woman’s body, and does it come from preciousness?
And do we participate in this emphasis?
Of course, women can wear whatever they want to – I certainly do, and so this is our right.
How we express ourselves through clothes and make up communicates so much about how we feel about ourselves.
How do you use these things?
Are you hiding?
Are you literally making something up?
Or, are you in celebration of yourself as a woman, all that you reflect to the world, the gorgeousness, spunk, style and sass that comes from your own sense of your natural self?
It’s very common for some women to hide parts of their body they are ashamed of with big, bulky clothes, covering themselves up to try to mask themselves from being seen.
This is especially true in people who have experienced sexual assault, but is not limited to this unfortunate occurrence.
I know people who don’t like their ‘fat arms’ or ‘big butt’ or ‘thunder thighs’, so try to cover up with sleeves, over-size jackets, dresses or skirts.
Unfortunately, covering up our body doesn’t make the confronting trauma, feelings of guilt/shame, or even the sexualized attention, go away. Nor does it make up for the deficit in how you feel about your body.
Even putting on weight, which can be an unintended consequence of seeking comfort in food, or an intended attempt to be ‘less attractive’, doesn’t make these feelings go away.
Instead, these things give you ever more reason to be down on yourself about, just another reason to hate yourself.
The key to dealing with any part of you (physical or otherwise) that you seek to hide from the world is to deeply contemplate the question – ‘why’.
What happened, how did it happen, what can you learn (and I mean truly learn) about yourself, others and life in general?
Understand that you can’t address anything you don’t want to see.
And much of the time, the reason we bury things away from sight is because they hurt.
But what is their untold and unending influence in ongoing hurt if it remains hidden – how can this affect your life?
Going super gently with yourself is the key here.
We don’t need a head torch and pickaxe to go digging up our most sensitive moments.
We need true care and understanding.
Take care and go at a very steady pace you can handle.
With slow and steady progress, we can release ourselves from a lifetime of self-bashing, shame, being less than we otherwise are, addictions, patterns, abusive behaviours, manipulation, and attempts to control yourself, others and the world around you.
This has certainly been my experience. It becomes a very difficult cycle to break out of if you are not willing to see what you invest into keeping it all going.
If you are sweet, bubbly and naturally loving, genuine, caring, generous, and sensitive, what or who does it serve to repress or suppress that?
What would be worth it to NOT be that?
In my experience there has been a whole lot of heart ache when I’ve not been true to those qualities within, or tried to pretend they aren’t always there and ever-present.
It sets us up to search for love outside of ourselves, and whilst we may find a version, its very unlikely to be deeply true and long-lasting.
Of course, seek every support you need, be that counsellors, psychologists, family doctors, psychiatrists, any specialty branch of medicine that can address your body as needed – dealing with these things is very worth it.
See our Crisis Resources and Seeing Your Doctor.
Because you are worth it – a fact that cannot change no matter how you feel about yourself, what you perceive you have done that makes you unworthy, or anything you have been or can be otherwise told.
