WHERE ARE U?
Where are ‘U’ important?
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That’s right, the ‘U’ as in “yourself”.
If you are not honouring ‘u’, the path to disrespect and abuse is paved, as the foundation has already been lain.
​Often times, we get in our own way, of anything and everything; you name it:
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Success in life
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Doing well
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Looking after ourselves, truly and deeply
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When we react to situations around us
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Taking on other people’s stuff
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Creating and/or seeking drama
Not recognising how you are feeling is a missed opportunity.
Not because “feelings are special” in a weak and disempowered way, but because if and when acknowledged, it’s half the battle.
I’ve seen women (and men) who judge and censor themselves for feeling how and what they feel, but what comes first?
Feeling what’s there?
i.e. Am I feeling:
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sad
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angry
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hurt
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rejected
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unwanted
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useless
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unloved
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unlovable
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used
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abused
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etc
Or, not feeling honoured?
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At no time do any of those emotions make you actually BE any of those things.
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You are not sad, angry etc – it’s something you are feeling.
And like happiness, all emotions are as transient as clouds – they come and they go.
So if you are feeling locked in to any one of those emotions – including but not limited to any of the above – check yo’self!
Are you giving the emotion more of you than is needed?
Are you confusing that emotion with who you are?
We hear people say “I’m depressed”, yet in that identification, it’s so easy – temping even – to get lost in it. It can really take you over – if you give in and/or let it.
Having a trace on how come you feel the way you do is super important to unravelling the complexities we get ourselves into in life.
How do you get that tracing?
That’s right! It all comes back to feeling.
Or, if you prefer it, what you sense.
There’s our eyes and ears and mouth and nose and skin that pick up so much about life and the environment around us.
But there’s also a 6th sense that can clearly feel what is going on around us. It’s called ‘clairsentience’.
Clairsentience can let us know instantly if we are:
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met
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held
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understood
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valued
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loved
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cared for
and held equal, precious, delicate and divine in the simple glory that is your innate essence.
Here’s another example. Ask yourself:
Am I aware of the clothes I am wearing?
Chances are, you are not. Your touch receptors downregulate their constant feedback to say “I have clothes on” to your brain. Really, once we’ve put those clothes on, that becomes extraneous information, other than if you become too cold or too hot, then you will receive the message to put on or take off layers.
But, to take this analogy further:
Are you aware of why you chose the clothes you are wearing?
Did you have to wear it (it’s a uniform)?
If so, what does that uniform mean to you. Is it the beginning of something you are excited about?
Are you at or near the end of something and you are ready for the next thing?
These kinds of things can influence whether you like or hate the uniform.
Did you choose something that hides a part or all of you that you:
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Don’t like?
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Are ashamed of?
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Think is unattractive, too big or too small?
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Have been hurt or abused because of – by accident or design?
There is so much going on around us that we can choose to become aware of. In fact, we are often acting unconsciously but if we really dug deep, we would know why we do what we do.
And this is just the internal sensations that you have about your body and your feelings and your immediate environment.
This sensing can broaden to encompass much of the world around us – helping us learn to become the ultimate observationist of your body and what it is telling you.
Becoming a student of your senses helps you to navigate life and all that is around you in it.
This then precedes anything you can then filter to be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ because you are told it should be one thing or another.
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You know where 'true North' is, because it aligns with your essence.
We are told that happy is good, and sad is bad. But happy passes just as quickly as sad can.
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We are taught to avoid the sad but maintain the happy (which is unsustainable), but then we beat ourselves up for not being able to maintain happy!
Take a moment, and read that again.
It’s not like anyone actually sits us down and says,
Look, sadness is bad, okay? We are all seeking happiness as it’s the ultimate. We don’t want to be anything other than happy. That’s now your job in life. Be happy.
But at some stage, it’s essentially this philosophy that infiltrates us and the secondary layering of judgement comes in.
That’s the part where you judge what you feel and complicate the purity of what your body and its senses were otherwise communicating with you.
Before that, we just are in life. We don’t have to put any effort into thinking about being.
We just ARE. This is where the newborn analogy becomes relevant.
In childhood, for the majority of us, there is a constant sense of connection and flow, not just with our family but the whole world around us, including nature.
As a young child, my father would carry me out before bedtime, allowing me to say goodnight to the moon and stars.
I felt just as connected to everything in the world, which compared to happy, makes the latter seem like a popped balloon on the floor compared to the majesty and glory of the world around us.
I remember the exquisite details of nature that were infinitely beautiful – what was there to be sad about?
I remember my sister rejecting me and casting me out of her room when I came to play.
Did this make me sad? Yes, but transiently.
Many years later, when we were both in our 20s, my sister moved away.
Did I feel sad? Yes, but even more so, I began to blame her for leaving me alone in the world.
But the reality was, I had already left that complete sense of being in the world, and was taking the opportunity to lash out and blame someone else, rather than taking responsibility for my own choices and actions (to give up on my sweet self, go into excess alcohol and drug taking, sleeping around with more people than I can count, and feeling lost and abused in the process).
What convenience!
Let’s blame other people for something we have had more than a hand in doing to ourselves!
Of course, some people unfortunately experience abuse in that they are born into families that do not have any semblance of love, which can cause an entirely different trajectory for themselves.
The imposition and injustice we receive is more a function of the model or type of life that we are born into, rather than an inherent dysfunction or defect of ourselves.
This is where the ‘u’ in “your” comes into "our" focus.
When I heard about my young neighbour and her long-term plan to take revenge on her abuser(s) by taking her own life, I was struck with difference in our trajectories.
How could be suicide be both the accepted plan and legitimised action?
Yet, despite similar yet incomparable circumstances, my own path was fueled by knowing that if it had happened to me, and that I can grow and heal from it to get on with life, as long as I live and breathe, I can speak clearly about how it happened and offer that to others: it has given me renewed purpose in life.
In fact, the bulk of this website has been written after-hours while working full-time as a hospital doctor!
So how could I end up ‘successful’, practicing medicine (universally considered to be a pretty hard job that only smart people can do – albeit with any apparent glamour being completely misconstrued)?
How could I heal and deal with my stuff?
How could I attend counselling and the like and be galvanised by the experience?
And how am I not a victim?
Victimhood is dangerous territory – it allows you to continue NOT to take responsibility for whatever YOUR role is and was in whatever happened.
And before you react and send me hate mail (I will delete), there is ALWAYS (may I re-emphasise, ALWAYS) something to learn from each and every situation we are in.
There is so much more to life than meets the eye, and we cannot pretend to know the half of it.
But one thing’s for sure: you only get to deal with your stuff while you are alive.
You don’t get a second bite at the cherry unless you remain alive and thus conscious and aware of all the things that have gone on, leaving you the trace (as mentioned above) to deal with whatever there is to heal. See my section on suicidality.
No-one is perfect. None of us have to be. We all have areas in life that we are more mastered in.
Others, well, not so much.
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And those areas are different for every one of us – that’s why we need each other to learn and to grow.
Comparison leads to jealousy and is completely non-sensical, as no-one really knows EXACTLY what goes on for another.
We judge what we see, but we really aren’t aware of literally everything.
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Who doesn’t know the equation E=MC ?
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But do you know its real meaning?
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E=MC = Everything is energy, and everything (literally everything) is because of it.
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We don’t get taught its real meaning, so we can't effectively apply it to life.
Energy is – thoughts, emotions, feelings, people, cars, rocks, birds, trees, the internet, buildings, make up, movement – everything.
That means (with our new best buddy, clairsentience) the quality of everything (because it’s all energy) can be felt.
So no matter what is going on in life, come back to you, know that you are not your experiences, nor are you your emotions – you are made of far greater stuff than that.
And this is not some smoke-in-the-wind type of statement, but a real and actual truth that I have come to know by my lived experience.
If it doesn’t honour, cherish, support, celebrate, nurture you or another – it’s not love and it’s not loving.
It really is that simple.
